What An Angry Man Needs, Pt. 2 of 2

Yesterday, we checked out this verse: A man of great anger will bear the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again (Prov. 19:19). We  warned those on the receiving end of another's rage to do what will work toward the angry man's improvement. Today, let's flip this verse around and discover a cool technique for another individual, not the one being railed against, but the one doing the railing. There is a powerful application embedded in Prov. 19:19 that can profoundly help the man of great anger .

According to this verse, anger is not a terminal condition! Here's some irony - The man of great anger who is rescued is the one who is trapped, forever repeating the same old cycle of resentment, rage, remorse, and relief. But if he is NOT rescued, he can be saved! It might not happen in one fell swoop, but if those around the angry man REFUSE TO RESCUE him, there is a good chance he can improve. So if an angry man can invite, even authorize, those around him to let him suffer the full consequences of his rage, he can make progress in his quest to conquer his anger!

Here are a couple of steps you can use to put feet to this principle:  First, do some research. Research all the ways your anger has created pain, hurt and hardship for others. When you are calm and committed to remain so, do some interviews of those who have been on the receiving end of your outbursts. Ask them to give you a candid and complete description of what your tirades have actually done. Write it all down. Read what you have written. Often! Let it really sink in - don't dismiss what you're hearing. By listing all the ways your anger has gotten you into trouble, you will get in the right frame of mind to follow step two.

Now, issue some "Permission to Refuse Rescue" (PRR) Cards. Give to each of your previous research subjects a red card. (Depending on how serious your problem is, you might want to have these cards laminated!) Here is some suggested text to put on your card:

I am serious about wanting to conquer my anger problem. So I am asking you to refuse to rescue me when I lose it. When I am yelling, throwing stuff, getting in your face, and out-of-control, you have my express permission to simply show me this card, quietly exit the area, and leave me to stew in solitary silence. This is for my own good - please do not rescue me by trying to pretend nothing happened or by making little of the damage I am causing. DO NOT RESCUE ME OR WE WILL BE IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE AGAIN!

I am not such a schmo (This begs the question - how much of a schmo are you, Jim?) as to think anger will be forever vanquished once everyone around you is equipped with PRR Cards. But this procedure does have an intriguing feature. Remember how we talked about the addictive power of anger?  Anger (being out-of-control) is addictive because we enjoy the feeling of being in control. (No irony there, eh?) When others flash a PRR Card on us, they are doing so because we told them to. So in this angry moment, we can salve our ego in the knowledge that someone is letting us stew in consequences precisely because we commanded it.

Bottom line: Whether you use PRR cards or some other process, establish some type of pact with those around you. Authorize them to let you stew in the pickle produced by your passion - you might just learn something that makes you LESS likely to yell "Flame on!" when someone hits your button.

Comments

[jo]

I am not the "hothead" in our family, however we as a family, have given our children permission to use a phrase that will let us know if they feel threatened or scared when the "flame" comes on. Since we have not had an outburst (recently) I don't know how well this will work. We have told the children that we want to honor God in all we do! So we will see how our "PRR" card works. (Not that I am looking forward to having one of them use it!)

[Anonymous]

"Anger (being out-of-control) is ADDICTIVE because we enjoy the feeling of being in control."

Collierville Bible Church has installed a group FOR MEN who struggle with addiction. I’m sure these MEN would accept and love other MEN who also struggle with addiction. These MEN are brutally honest and open and share their feelings and emotions without fear of persecution or condemnation (James 5:16). These MEN are real. Privacy and confidentiality is of high priority. If you are seeking assistance in your journey to recovery, swamped with self-loathing, or just need a place to start, please click on the “E-mail me” link to the right under the orange RSS feed button. This link is a direct e-mail to Jim Fleming and Jim Fleming only! Jim will give you more information.

Collierville Bible Church wants to love people and share the gospel of Jesus Christ who is able to change our direction, sustain our daily living in a manner that is pleasing to Him, and strengthen all areas in our lives if we submit our heart and mind to Him.

In addition to the excerpt above, ADDICTION is a facade to escape and numb the natural feelings we are meant to deal with in order to mature in to MEN God wants them to be. ADDICTION serves the purpose to “DISCONNECT” from real feelings that some MEN do not know how to deal with. There is HOPE! Romans 6:12

[Bo]

Anonymous-
It is a grand thing that Collierville Bible Church has a place for men to go for help with addiction. There are so many men out there who are confused about who they are or what they should be (identity). Men are to be righteous leaders who guide their respective entities through the obstacle course our adversary sets for us. I believe the most effective of snares in today’s society for men is pornography-especially internet pornography. Privacy, easy accessibility and instant gratification are a deadly combination. Men who are addicted to internet pornography invest an average of four hours per day engaging filth. Imagine if these men were to devote four hours every day to the study of God’s Word and prayer or perhaps two hours to study and two hours to their family. What a nation! What a planet!