My counseling schedule reflects an increase of marriages in crisis in January and September. (Can you figure out why?) Lots of couples try to hold things together through the holidays, but when January hits - our national month for a reality check - many conclude (or can't agree) that the marriage is worth saving. These are the ones who don't seek counseling because they think, "What's the use?"
This is definitely a case of self-fulfilling prophesy. I have found that ANY couple who can at least agree to get outside help, has already made one of THE MOST IMPORTANT steps toward restoring the marriage. The couple that doesn't, in many (most?) cases, has concluded their relationship is "beyond hope." So they stop investing in it, which only accelerates and insures its demise.
Here's one of the things that gets me about those who decide to call it quits. When they stood before a minister and pledged their commitment and fidelity, they added a phrase like this - "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." This phrase was intended to make something clear: "I am committed to you NO MATTER WHAT."
So when I hear of another couple calling it quits, I wonder what they meant when they made their vows. Most (all?) brides and grooms are not lying when they say "no matter what." But when they come to a certain January and decide it's over, their decision declares their vows as lies. Very few focus on their integrity crisis. They are not asking, "Do my words really mean something? When I give my word, can you count on it?" I wish they would. If our words don't mean something on an issue as profound as marriage, what will they be worth on any lesser commitment?
Maybe you are wondering if your marriage is worth saving. I can assure you, IT IS! But even more important, is your word worth keeping? Do you mean what you say and say what you mean? If you declared to your partner, I am committed to you "no matter what," then do whatever it takes to keep your word. Admit you're in trouble. Set your will to resolving the issues and strengthening the relationship. Get godly help. Prove that when you said "I do" you didn't really mean "I might."
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