Boris and Natasha’s marriage has hit a rough patch. Their most recent fight was long and heated. Both sinned against the other and the fight ended in angry silence. Now several hours later, Natasha is broken and ready to acknowledge her sin. Not Boris!
So, does Natasha need to forgive Boris even though he refuses to admit he blew it? In a previous post, we noted three core principles. ➊ Natasha should use God’s forgiveness of her as the model and inspiration for how she forgives Boris. ➋ It is true that God doesn’t forgive everyone, but ➌ for all who are in Christ, His forgiveness is full and free.
These three principles are a helpful starting point. Now we’re ready to get to the practical question: “How is it possible for Natasha to forgive Boris for something that Boris doesn’t even admit exists?” The Bible does speak to this question in a number of places. These additional passages fall into two broad categories, those which limit the recipients of horizontal forgiveness and those which don’t. We will look at the former in this post and the latter in the next.
This post is a tad long, so here comes your executive summary. For you time-pressed Light-Workers, just read the next paragraph. Think of it as Lite-Work! But for those of you who want to understand the biblical basis behind this summary, just keep on reading.
Executive Summary: Natasha will not be able to give Boris her forgiveness for a sin he refuses to confess. But even if Boris has sinned in the most egregious way, Natasha does well to take her cue from Father, remain patient, and extend kindness toward her husband. She does so in order to give Boris maximum opportunity to repent of his sin and seek her (and God’s) forgiveness.
II. Limitation Verses – Some passages in the Bible support the idea of limits on or qualifications of horizontal forgiveness. These verses seem to support the idea that forgiveness should not be extended toward some sinners.
A. Specific actions trigger forgiveness.
Here are two passages which link one party’s forgiveness to another’s actions. ➊The story of the unforgiving servant illustrates how our heavenly Father forgives. The parable contains this statement: “Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me’” (Matthew 18:32). Because the indebted servant plead with the lord, he was forgiven. It is worth noting that the servant’s pleading (as captured in verse 26) doesn’t sound like a true confession. But his words, at the least, imply an admission of his failure, an admission which his lord cites as the reason for his forgiveness.
➋ Jesus taught His disciples: “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3–4). Note the two conditional statements in verse 3: If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Both sentences join a conditional statement to an imperative. The disciples are commanded to rebuke a brother, but only when he has sinned. Similarly, the disciples are commanded to forgive a brother when he repents of his sin. It is implied that a rebuke is unwarranted when a brother has not sinned and that forgiveness is unwarranted when a brother has not repented.
These two passages suggest that forgiveness, if not certain aspects of forgiveness, should not be conveyed by Natasha to Boris since he has not repented of his failure.
B. Some sins are “retained” by believers.
According to Jesus, believers have a choice between “forgiving” and “retaining” another’s sins: “If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained” (John 20:23). In this passage “retaining” a sin represents the opposite of forgiving a sin. “Forgive” is the word ἀφίημι (aphiemi) which has the basic idea of releasing a debt or letting something go. “Retaining,” from κρατέω (krateo), is about seizing or holding onto something. These antonyms are describing two antithetical responses to another’s sin, either releasing someone from his debt or holding him to it. Clearly, not all sin is forgiven.
So what does it mean to “retain” someone’s sin? No other NT uses of κρατέω (krateo) offer much practical help.
Matthew records a statement from Jesus that seems similar by its connection to forgiveness and by its contrast between “binding” and “loosing:” “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18). In context, Jesus gives instructions concerning church discipline wherein a brother is confronted about his trespass. There are two possible outcomes: Either this brother listens or he refuses to listen. Each outcome has a corresponding result. The brother who listens is “won.” The “brother” who refuses to listen is to be treated as “a Gentile and tax-gatherer.”
“Loosing” and “binding” can be connected to these two results. For the brother who is “won,” loosening cuts the tie connecting this brother to his sin. He is forgiven: Those whom he has sinned against have chosen to deny his trespass the power to adversely affect their relationship. On the other hand, the “brother” who has shown himself to be a Gentile and tax-gatherer has betrayed his confession of Christ and is to be treated accordingly. For such a one, “binding” retains his connection with his sin.
Both John 20:23 and Matthew 18:18 envision a situation in which someone has betrayed his confession of Christ by a persistent refusal to admit his sin. Although a measured response is prescribed (see Matthew 18:15-19 for a step-by-step description of the progression involved), one who defies every attempt to “show him his fault” thereby gives evidence he does not belong to Christ. He is still connected to His sin. It defines him.
For Natasha, this principle teaches that there are circumstances where forgiveness is withheld and where sin is “retained.” But such an end is only reached after every effort (as spelled out in Matthew 18) has been exhausted to “win” another, Boris included. If Natasha has come to such a place with Boris, she should “retain” his sin, not forgive it. She should see in him one who stands in an extremely dangerous place. He is asking God to relate to him as a man still connected to and defined by sin. Natasha should regard Boris as an unbeliever.
C. Some sin is unforgivable.
Jesus declared a certain type of sin as “unforgivable:” “Truly I say to you, all sins shall be forgiven the sons of men, and whatever blasphemies they utter; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin” – because they were saying, “He has an unclean spirit” (Mark 3:28–30). A parallel passage in Matthew indicates that speaking against the Son of Man is forgivable; speaking against the Holy Spirit is not (Matthew 12:32, also see Luke 12:10). Note that the passage in Mark identifies the leaders’ lie that prompted Jesus’ response: They were saying, “He has an unclean spirit.” Jesus performed miracles in the power of the Holy Spirit. In order to discredit Jesus, the religious leaders resolutely defied the Spirit. They maintained that the Holy Spirit who worked through Jesus in His miracles is actually an evil spirit, the kind that should be steadfastly resisted.
In light of a passage like 1 Corinthians 12:3, this is a fatal hostility: Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus is accursed”; and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:3). To resist the Spirit is to resist the One who makes it possible for a man to confess Jesus and to thereby be forgiven. The reason that sin against the Spirit cannot be forgiven is that it thwarts the only One who can introduce a man to the means of His forgiveness.
Think of it this way. Joe has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. There is a doctor in another state who has recently developed an amazing cure for Joe’s cancer. Joe’s next-door neighbor happens to read about this doctor and his ground-breaking discovery. He thinks, “Maybe this could help Joe.” But he also recalls an incident last summer when he sought to help Joe by trimming the hedge and some trees on their adjoining property line. For some reason, Joe was offended by what he had done and wasn’t talking to him. But Joe’s neighbor also reasons, “Surely Joe would want to know about this cure.” So he goes to Joe’s front porch and rings the doorbell.
Joe hears the doorbell, looks through his peephole, but decides to ignore his neighbor. He scoffs to himself, “It’s bad enough I have cancer. I definitely don’t want to talk to a neighbor who thinks my yard is too shabby for his uppity taste.”
So Joe refuses to listen to his neighbor and thereby forfeits the opportunity to learn about a cure for his cancer. So is it with blasphemy of the Spirit. There is no forgiveness available for the sin of rejecting the Spirit who stands at the door to our hearts to show us sin’s cure. This summary by R. A Cole gets it right: This is the sin of the wilfully blind, who persistently refuse the illumination of the Spirit, oppose the Spirit’s work, and justify themselves in doing so by deliberately misrepresenting him (Mark: An Introduction and Commentary, Vol. 2, p. 145).
Note that the “unforgivable sin” produces the same effect as sin that is “retained.” The “unforgivable sin” is a tacit rejection of Jesus precipitated by an overt rejection of the Holy Spirit. Sin that is “retained” comes from a more overt rejection of Jesus manifested by persistent resistance to correction. These two sins, which are really just two varieties of the same sin, are refusals to admit one’s need of forgiveness.
In all likelihood, the altercation between Boris and Natasha involved the commission of lessor sins, sins that can be forgiven. But let’s assume, for the moment, that Boris has committed the “unforgivable sin” or that he has unalterably resisted the steps outlined in Matthew 18:15-17. The former, by definition, is unforgivable. The latter, for as long as Boris refuses to listen to the church, is also unforgivable. The commission of such sin by Boris is most grave. The Lord does not forgive him. Neither should Natasha.
This, however, is not the whole story. If Natasha cannot impart forgiveness to Boris, is there something else which she can offer him? The next principle will help us understand how Natasha can relate to Boris in a constructive way even if he has committed the most serious of sins.
D. We dwell in the day of God’s patience.
Numerous OT passages recount the words of men who have a reputation for godliness and who desire God to curse sinners. Here is a representative passage from the prophet Jeremiah: “Yet, O Lord of hosts, You who test the righteous, Who see the mind and the heart; Let me see Your vengeance on them; For to You I have set forth my cause” (Jeremiah 20:12). In this instance, Jeremiah is the speaker and he is asking God, his “dread champion,” to overthrow his persecutors. His words do not sound at all like the language of forgiveness. Jeremiah yearns for these unrepentant sinners to get what’s coming to them.
This is not a uniquely Old Testament sentiment. Jesus once told a parable about a widow who pestered a judge for legal protection and, by her persistence, prevailed. Jesus then pivoted from recounting the judge’s conclusion to teaching about God. He said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth” (Luke 18:6–8)? The elect are described as crying out for justice day and night. Theirs is a proper request that will be answered swiftly at just the right time, “when the Son of Man comes!” In this passage, the elect have been persecuted, that is, they have been made the recipients of others’ opposition to the Lord. They cry out for justice and Jesus assures them that they will be heard!
Indeed, in another context, Jesus adds His voice to the chorus anticipating this day of judgment: “I have come to cast fire upon the earth; and how I wish it were already kindled! But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is accomplished” (Luke 12:49–50)! Jesus yearned for justice to be served. But first He must be baptized, a reference to Calvary. The day of justice for which Jesus longed would come later.
Even now, the day of justice remains yet future but its soon coming is as sure as God’s Word: But by His word the present heavens and earth are being reserved for fire, kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men (2 Peter 3:7). On this future date, all who are unforgiven will be judged. Those whose sins have been “retained” and those who have despised the Spirit of grace will reap exactly what they have sown. Justice will be served and the voices of those who dishonor the Lord silenced.
But for now, we dwell in a different day: The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Today, the unforgiven are not judged. God delays judgment in order to give everyman sufficient opportunity to repent. Today is the day of God’s patience and men’s opportunity. Jesus’ first advent heralded this season: “For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him” (John 3:17).
To dwell in the present day of patience means to occupy a place where unforgiven men are not judged. It would be foolish to think this day will last forever. But as long as today is the day of God’s patience, there is hope. In Romans 2, Paul addresses those who are storing up wrath for themselves. In verse four, he raises a question that shows how God presently relates to the unforgiven: Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance (Romans 2:4)? God shows men kindness, tolerance, and patience precisely because His kindness assists men to come to a place of brokenness over their sin.
Even today, God expresses grace to unforgiven men in the form of patience and kindness. Regardless of Boris’s offense, Natasha should do no less. There are two categories of sins which constitute a de-facto repudiation of Christ, unforgivable sin and sins which have been “retained.” Even if these terms describe Boris’s sins, Natasha must take her cue from Father. She does well to recall the riches of God’s kindness and tolerance and patience when she herself was once unforgiven yet not judged. She does well to remember ways the kindness of God led her to repentance. She does well to extend the same, in a similar hope, to her husband even when he does not admit his sin.
Natasha cannot impart forgiveness to someone who has not asked for it. But she can impart other gifts to Boris. Stated in its broadest terms, she can relate to Boris in a way that gives him maximum opportunity to own up to his sin, a way that will be marked by kindness for which Boris is not worthy and patience that arises from grace.
Comments