I have been watching a six-part video series on how to cherish one’s spouse. I am amazed how much the speaker / author has to say about the subject. It got me to thinking, does the Bible actually speak directly to this topic? Here’s what I found:
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church (Ephesians 5:28–29).
In this passage, husbands are called to love (agapaō) their wives. This involves promoting the good of another as a matter of choice. The phrase “nourish and cherish” can be used to describe an aspect of this love. Nourish (ektrephō) is only used here and a few verses later: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up (ektrephō) in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). There is a strong element of “feeding” in this term. No one hates his body but supplies it with a steady diet of nourishment. Applied to a marriage, this suggests that a husband should nourish his wife, including nourishing her spirit, just as he nourishes his own body. He provides for her and feeds her soul.
The second term, translated “cherish,” is also used only twice in the NT. The other instance is here: But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares (thalpō) for her own children (1 Thessalonians 2:7). There are four instances where thalpō is used in the LXX in contexts involving communicating care and warmth. The core idea would be “to care for tenderly” or to “keep warm.” For husbands, Paul’s use of the word suggests that as a husband keeps his body warm (a Minnesota necessity when it’s 30 below!), so he is to provide the same tender care and warming influence to his wife. Do what is needed for her to flourish, to be protected from the elements, including what would cause her walk with the Lord to cool.
This should be put in the broader context. To “cherish” one’s wife is but one specific element in a list (from Ephesians 5) that includes nine responsibilities for husbands and two for wives. For a husband: Love your wife, give up yourself for your wife, sanctify your wife, cleanse her, present her holy and without blemish, nourish her, cherish her, hold fast to her, and love her as yourself. For a wife: Submit to your husband (as to the Lord and in everything) and respect your husband. “Cherish” is but one element in a more comprehensive list.
This certainly suggests caution against isolating one responsibility to the exclusion of another. For example, to promote his wife’s holiness is to put limits on what one does to cherish her. Don’t, in the name of tender care, fail to address unholiness in your partner but rather, where necessary, do the hard thing to help her make spiritual progress.
Further, there is some gender specificity here. “Cherish” is in the man list. “Submit” and “respect” are in the woman list, but not cherish. Paul considers it necessary for men and women to embrace gender specific responsibilities that make a marriage truly God-honoring. Men need to work at “cherishing,” hence Paul’s instruction. Women have some other areas where they need to focus their energies. When both do their part, their marriage will flourish.
I would think the speaker in the video series would cherish the opportunity to open up Ephesians 5:28-29. We’ll see if he does!
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