Light-work

Cherish the Thought!

I have been watching a six-part video series on how to cherish one’s spouse. I am amazed how much the speaker / author has to say about the subject. It got me to thinking, does the Bible actually speak directly to this topic? Here’s what I found:

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church (Ephesians 5:28–29).

In this passage, husbands are called to love (agapaō) their wives. This involves promoting the good of another as a matter of choice. The phrase “nourish and cherish” can be used to describe an aspect of this love. Nourish (ektrephō) is only used here and a few verses later: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up (ektrephō) in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). There is a strong element of “feeding” in this term. No one hates his body but supplies it with a steady diet of nourishment. Applied to a marriage, this suggests that a husband should nourish his wife, including nourishing her spirit, just as he nourishes his own body. He provides for her and feeds her soul.

The second term, translated “cherish,” is also used only twice in the NT. The other instance is here: But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares (thalpō) for her own children (1 Thessalonians 2:7). There are four instances where thalpō is used in the LXX in contexts involving communicating care and warmth. The core idea would be “to care for tenderly” or to “keep warm.” For husbands, Paul’s use of the word suggests that as a husband keeps his body warm (a Minnesota necessity when it’s 30 below!), so he is to provide the same tender care and warming influence to his wife. Do what is needed for her to flourish, to be protected from the elements, including what would cause her walk with the Lord to cool.

This should be put in the broader context. To “cherish” one’s wife is but one specific element in a list (from Ephesians 5) that includes nine responsibilities for husbands and two for wives. For a husband: Love your wife, give up yourself for your wife, sanctify your wife, cleanse her, present her holy and without blemish, nourish her, cherish her, hold fast to her, and love her as yourself. For a wife: Submit to your husband (as to the Lord and in everything) and respect your husband. “Cherish” is but one element in a more comprehensive list.

This certainly suggests caution against isolating one responsibility to the exclusion of another. For example, to promote his wife’s holiness is to put limits on what one does to cherish her. Don’t, in the name of tender care, fail to address unholiness in your partner but rather, where necessary, do the hard thing to help her make spiritual progress.

Further, there is some gender specificity here. “Cherish” is in the man list. “Submit” and “respect” are in the woman list, but not cherish. Paul considers it necessary for men and women to embrace gender specific responsibilities that make a marriage truly God-honoring. Men need to work at “cherishing,” hence Paul’s instruction. Women have some other areas where they need to focus their energies. When both do their part, their marriage will flourish.

I would think the speaker in the video series would cherish the opportunity to open up Ephesians 5:28-29. We’ll see if he does!

Priorities, Part 4: Hat Trick

  

 

If you have tracked with me in the previous three posts (see links below), then you never ever have to say something stupid like “God is my first priority, then my spouse, then my family, then my church, then my job...” This notion of a hierarchy of priorities is neither biblical nor practical. In fact, this 123 plan has more in common with the worship of many gods than devotion to the one true God.

When God presents Himself as the God who is one, He means for us to replace attempts to juggle multiple allegiances with the freedom of pleasing just Him. Living for God alone is also the smart play: We are trusting in the only One who is worthy of perfect trust.

Perhaps you are saying, “That’s all well and good, but you haven’t told me how to relate to my wife and children if I live for God alone.” Let’s take care of that right now! Someone might construe living for God alone as a warrant to say farewell to the world, turn his back on his spouse, children, parents, and church and head to the woods (or monastery) to pray and meditate 24/7. This would be precisely the right thing to do, IF God is expressly asking for it. But in most cases, He isn’t.

God declares in the Bible exactly what He expects of those who live for Him alone. In many cases, these directives are role and gender specific. God wants husbands to conduct themselves in ways that honor Him in their role as husbands. Same for wives, parents, children, citizens, and even servants. The Bible is loaded with guidance about how to honor God in a variety of roles.

The illustration above depicts something similar to Dagon's debacle. A wheel with “God Alone” in the center is knocking down a series of 123 priorities. This wheel illustrates how we can live for God alone as we occupy different roles. The outer circle of this wheel specifies some possible roles occupied by followers of Jesus. I have listed six, but not every role, like “Servant,” “Parent,” or “Spouse,” is relevant to everyone. Further, there are more roles beyond the representative six in this wheel, roles like “Friend,” “Neighbor,” “Employee,” and “Student.”

Think of these roles as hats. At any given moment, you are wearing at least one of these hats. Sometimes, you must switch hats in the blink of an eye. But regardless of which hat you are wearing at any particular moment, your challenge and privilege is to conduct yourself in a way that honors God alone.

This approach to priorities is thoroughly biblical and eminently practical. Here is a general verse: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Paul’s principle is: “Regardless of what you are doing, even the small stuff, do it for God alone.” It doesn’t matter what hat you are wearing, conduct yourself in a way that honors God.

Here are some verses that are gender and role specific: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). When a woman operates in the role of wife, her response to her husband is the outworking of her response to the Lord. When men wear their husband hats, God expects them to love their wives the way His Son loves the church: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Here is a passage that is striking for its reference to an “obligatory role,” that of a slave: “Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ” (Ephesians 6:5). The Bible is not advocating or endorsing servitude, but is advocating that those who find themselves wearing this hat should conduct themselves in a way that reflects well on the one true God whom they ultimately serve. For those who are wearing a hat that they wouldn’t choose for themselves, this passage encourages them to honor God while wearing that hat.

Understanding the hat rack with God alone in the center is not a complete answer to the question of priorities, but it is the perfect place to start. This is the ultimate hat trick, in which our lives are profoundly simplified for the fact that regardless of what hat we wear, our goal is to please God alone; trust God alone; serve God alone. Husbands, love God by loving your wives. Wives, respect God by respecting your husbands. Parents, serve God by seeking His best for your children. Sons and daughters, honor God by honoring your parents. Disciples of Jesus, love God alone by obeying the commands of His Son. Citizens, make God look good by living in accord with the laws of the state.

This is not complicated: Live for God’s pleasure, no matter what hat you are wearing. Would you like a handy copy of the “God alone” chart to post on your refrigerator? Click Here. Even better, make this question the starting point for every decision about what to do next: "God, based on your Word, how can I make you look good by how I conduct myself in this situation?"

Blessed Deprivation in Eden

True, there are times when God denies us good things as a consequence of our failures. Being cast from the Garden of Eden is a preeminent example. But not every unfulfilled longing signals God’s displeasure. Quite the opposite! Sometimes God withholds the good He intends for us, for a season, in order to prepare us to receive His gifts. This deprivation is not a penalty but a blessing, a gift God bestows on those in whom He delights. It is designed to help us see what life is like without God’s good gifts, so that when those gifts are delivered, our praise soars.

This form of blessed deprivation can be clearly seen in the Garden of Eden. Shall we take a stroll? Genesis 2 provides an expanded account in narrative form of the events that were summarized in Genesis 1:26-28. In Genesis 2, God functions as a father. He brings Adam into existence, assigns him a place in life, gives him vital guidance and counsel, and then provides him with a suitable wife. The genealogy of Jesus found in Luke affirms God’s fatherly role when it references Adam:  . . . Enosh, the son of Seth, the son of Adam, the son of God (Luke 3:38). I find the process that God employs to provide a wife for his son singularly instructive.

God could have taken a very different path. He could have created the man and woman simultaneously or formed the woman from Adam’s rib mere moments after Adam’s creation. Instead, man was created first. Although everything God had created to this point was good, it was decidedly not good that Adam was alone. Then God arranged for the man to embark upon a search for a solution to his “alone” problem.

Please try to put yourself in Adam’s shoes. (Yea, yea, he wasn’t wearing shoes, much less anything else.) Adam had never laid eyes on a woman; she hadn’t been invented yet. So he is searching for something he has never seen. Maybe it was an “I’ll know it when I see it” kind of search. Was God chuckling to himself in anticipation of the moment when He would give Adam that for which his son’s heart ached? All Adam knew was that this exhaustive parade of animals had gone nowhere. Adam would have been justified in thinking, “There is nothing I can see to solve my ‘alone’ problem.”

Adam’s heart was now prepared to receive God’s gift. God tells Adam to take a nap, then creates woman, and finally wakes up Adam for the big reveal. When God presents Adam with his bride, Adam is beside himself (I couldn’t resist!) and exclaims: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23, ESV). Did you catch the terms translated “at last” by many English translations? (The Hebrew is ha pa-am.) Adam takes a deep breath and says, “Finally!” Adam is relieved and overjoyed. His bride is perfect and more than worth the wait.

By God’s delay to solve man’s “alone” problem, Adam’s heart was prepared to greet God’s gift with greater joy. Does God know how to give perfect gifts when the time is just right, or what?

Palin and Submission

Does the Bible prohibit a woman from serving as Vice President? Good question! Click here to read the first post on the subject by David Kotter of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW). The next three paragraphs are my summary of David's four part series.

There is no explicit biblical prohibition against a woman serving as a political leader. So we shouldn't forbid a woman from public office using an argument based on the Bible's silence. The Bible is NOT silent about women's role in the church, however - a woman is clearly prohibited from serving as the pastor or elder in a local church. The silence of the Bible on one topic compared with its forthcoming specificity on another tells us mayors, governors, and presidents are not the same as pastors. A woman may serve as the former even though she may not as the latter.

David raises a related question. Even though a woman may serve as Vice-President, is it wise for her to do so?  This is one of those questions that don't have a "one-size-fits-all" answer. Sarah Palin seems to have put a lot on her plate - more than what others would choose for themselves. But her plate is hers to fill. She and her husband should do what they are convinced before God is the right thing for them and their family. Taking advantage of godly counsel will assist them to travel the path of wisdom. But the choice voters face is not about whether they agree with the Palin's decision. The voter's choice concerns Sarah Palin's suitability to serve in the office.

One more thing - Sarah Palin does not have to lose her identity as a woman to be a good Vice-President. She need not become a man. But men and women ARE different. So we are (possibly) about to experience something new and unfamiliar - a woman who leads us as Vice-President. It may take some getting used to.

I think David Kotter's series is good stuff and worth your time - if you go to the first post there are links to the next three. I would put a little nuance on his explanation of a "high view of the church." It is possible for someone to draw a skewed conclusion from his remarks in part 2 where he suggests that, from God's perspective, pastors are more important than presidents. Someone could get the impression that being a pastor is the only truly important job, a job which women are denied. It would be more biblically accurate (and a source of some biblically warranted encouragement) to say that serving in one's appointed role in the church, whether as pastor (men only) or as something else (men and women) is to be involved in the one thing which Jesus is building. That's worth doing!

Me Tarzan, Me Spiritual! Postscript

There is a marvelously useful term that can help us sort through comments posted in the "Me Tarzan" series. It's a fun word to say, like "Hacha," but before we whoop it up, let's get some background. The doctrine of divine inspiration includes the topics of the authority of Scripture and the sufficiency of Scripture. All three (inspiration, authority, and sufficiency) are mentioned and connected in 2 Tim. 3:16-17, which states: All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. Here's how each of these three topics connect to phrases in these two verses.

1. Inspiration - All Scripture is inspired by God. Although written by human authors, the entire Bible has its ultimate origin in God. It is like breath from his mouth.
2. Authority - [All Scripture is] profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, [and] for training in righteousness. Because of its quality as God inspired, the Bible has the clout to tell us what to do. It can outline how life ought to be lived ("teaching"), it can tell us when we have gotten off track ("reproof"), it can tell us how to get back on track ("correction"), and it can show us how to stay on track ("training in righteousness").
3. Sufficiency - so that they man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. The capacity of Scripture to provide authoritative guidance extends to "every good work." Stated negatively - There is nothing good a man can do which doesn't find its essential basis in the Bible. Stated positively - If you want to do anything good, the only source of adequate guidance is the Bible. Any man with a heart for God ("man of God") can receive what he needs ("may be adequate") to do everything God expects of him ("for every good work") if he will mine the mother-lode, the Scripture.
   

So, when we talk about any topic, including how men should think, speak, and act, the Bible is the source of information for every good work. This is not to say that all truth about men is found in the Bible. But it is to say that all ESSENTIAL truth for men with a heart for God is found in the Bible. God inspired the Bible and thereby placed within it what He believes all men must understand if they are going to become the kind of men of whom He would say, "That's my kind of man."

So when we analyze any resource, including one that wants to help men, it is legitimate to evaluate the quality of that resource by how closely it draws from Scripture. Do not hear me saying that a secular study on "the way men think" has no value. But the closer the connection between a resource and what the Bible teaches on the topic, the greater my confidence that I am being exposed to what I NEED TO KNOW. Okay, so what about this "Hacha" word? Patience, Grasshopper!

Me Tarzan, Me Spiritual! Pt. 2 of 2

There is a pendulum swinging - watch out you don't get hit! The commotion is being fueled by men who are feeling feisty, fed up with a feminist philosophy that devalues their manhood. They are tired of being told they will be appreciated as men when they become less . . men! They are angry and audacious enough to think manhood is something valuable, and worth celebrating. When John Eldredge wrote Wild at Heart in 2001, he tapped into this angst, gave it a voice for men following Jesus, and spawned a movement. I have some mixed feelings about the book that are well captured in this review. But I cannot deny that something profound is afoot.

There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is that a search is underway to rediscover a role for men that is both biblically framed and unapologetically virile. The bad news is some men are equating "being manly" with being godly. Call it the "Me Tarzan, Me Spiritual" (MTMS) Syndrome. The logic goes like this: If this is something that I am drawn to do as a man, and God created me as a man, then it must be good. There is something glaringly absent in this logic.

It is true that God created manhood, and it was good. But when Adam sinned, he became the patriarch of a race of sinners, sinners whose manhood could be twisted and perverted to ignoble ends. Praise God that when Jesus died, He made redemption possible, including the redemption of manhood. In Christ, it is possible for a man to distinguish between ways his old nature exploits his manhood to wreak havoc and ways his new nature brings out the best in his manhood to others' benefit. It is good to have a man around, but only when we are talking about a godly man.

So, I find MTMS no less disappointing than the feminist philosophy. They both don't get it. One says manhood is a liability, the other says manhood is an asset. Manhood can be EITHER, depending on whether or not we are talking about the redeemed variety. This is precisely what Paul was driving at when he listed the qualifications for an elder in Titus 1:5-9 and 1 Timothy 3:1-7. These are male-gender specific descriptions of men whom God commends, declaring "Now this is what I am looking for." Such a man's ability to hunt and make a campfire, his love for contact sports, and his penchant for using antlers in all of his decorating are missing. As far as God is concerned, these things don't matter. What matters is that a man understands and applies what it means to be a godly man. To be a man is not to be spiritual, but to become spiritual is to bring out the best of what it means to be a man. To those who say, "Me Tarzan, Me Spiritual," I reply, "Me Spiritual, Me Make Man Look Good!"

Me Tarzan, Me Spiritual! Pt. 1 of 2

This wasn't your Daddy's religious revival! So exclaims Newsweek of a conference sponsored by Godmen, an organization that is attempting to help men follow Jesus without denying their manhood. On a visit to Chicago, I spoke with one of my former seminary profs, Dr. Bing Hunter, at Harvest Bible Chapel. He recounted that the vision of this remarkable church is centered on reaching men, a vision which even translated into its architecture - no lace, no quilted banners, no fresh flowers on the podium.The first blip on the radar was the remarkable success of John Eldredge's Wild at Heart. Now I am seeing "spirituality with antlers" all over the place.

What's going on here? There is no doubt about the gender gap in the church. According to David Murrow's book, Why Men Hate Going to Church, there are 13 million more women than men in the pews on any given Sunday. The Barna Group reports that women are much more likely to attend Sunday School, read the Bible, and pray. So is the godmen movement a mere reaction to the fact that men are missing in action at church? I contend there is MUCH MORE to it. There is a high-stakes spiritual battle raging. Let's put on some camo and face grease, belly crawl through the underbrush, and see if we can't penetrate the fog of war to put a laser on the real target. (Sounds like a very manly undertaking, eh what?)

In the last few decades, the feminist movement has achieved some success, including the reshaping of the public mind on the nature of manhood. I remember seeing this bumper sticker: "My husband is not a pig. Pigs are loving, sensitive creatures." The feminist line is that manhood is a liability, something that must be exorcized out of the man. To be a man is to be cursed with insensitivity, boorishness, and an insatiable drive to dominate. The best hope for a man is to suppress his manhood and develop the strengths of a woman, to learn how to communicate, to get in touch with his inner feelings. If he can tap into his softer, gentler side, he just might become someone who is an asset to have around.

Many deceptions get traction because there is some truth hanging around them. The truth to the feminist lie is that raw manhood, when united to a sinful nature, will produce all manner of masculine excess. We must not deny the loathsome evidence and ugly realities of this fact. But this sober principle is not uniquely relevant to men. Women whose sinful nature is driving their actions will produce nothing less despicable than their male counterparts, even though it will reflect the propensities of their gender.  In the case of BOTH men and women, we need redemption. We need to see women who display the best of what it means to be a woman because their thoughts, words, and deeds are propelled by the Spirit of God. We need to see men who, as men, are an asset to all they are associated with because their manhood has been captured by God and is an instrument for doing what pleases Him. So what, exactly, does this look like?