Yesterday, Lofton Pillow (pictured at left) came to our house armed with ladders and chemicals. He is the proprietor and cool dude responsible for Mid-south Roof Cleaning. Clink on the link to check out his website that includes some impressive before and after shots.
Here in the south, especially on north facing areas, roof fungus is a problem. The current composition of asphalt roof shingles makes them a regular buffet line of nutrients for saprophyte, the fungus that creates black streaks on a roof.
Lofton (and assistant) spent five hours scrubbing, applying chemicals, and rinsing every square inch of our roof. We have used other services. This is the first that deserves a L-W endorsement. He's prompt, courteous, conscientious, and thorough; and you're going to like the way your roof looks.
Okay, the holidays are behind us, so the risk of influencing your Christmas shopping should be negligible. Here they are, the 2009 winners of Light-Work Beaver Awards. These are the product offerings that capture the spirit of consumption and acquisition that is so integral to modern life. Just in case someone doesn't understand the literary style called "tongue in cheek," I refuse to offer links to sites where you can purchase this stuff. If you feel the urge to buy something, I will not be an accessory to your crimes against humanity.
The Flush with Cash Beaver goes to Renova for their "super premium brand" of black toilet paper. Nothing says "you've arrived" like TP that goes for about THREE DOLLARS A ROLL. Here's some sensible sales talk from the producer: Elegant, sophisticated, rebellious and eternally fashionable. Black has become virtually synonymous with chic and style but whilst it is often present in avant-garde creative work, no one has ever dared to use it for toilet paper until now! The idea is definitely different, yet there's something appealingly startling about it. Today's homes are becoming more open, less compartmentalized, more exposed to public view, and considered as places for social contact, sharing and interaction. People now view their houses or apartments as an area in which they can fully express their distinct, individual personalities. Now what could be distinctly more personal than a sign of differentiation in the lavatory? What a great idea! Now I can "express my distinct personality" with black TP! And who knows how much it will improve "sharing and interaction" at home. This is so exciting!
What would you think of someone selling you an air guitar? If you're asking where you can get one, you'll appreciate this year's winner of the Only In Your Dreams Beaver. For sixty bucks plus shipping and handling you can jump rope without, um, jumping rope! It's such a bother when I jump rope with rope - the rope tangles on my foot and stops twirling. If I could eliminate the rope, things would go so much more smoothly. Sure, I could just count while I hop and twirl my wrists. But this device allows me to do the same thing without the counting - ingenious! And there's no misses. It reminds me of a committee report I once heard in a board meeting: "The challenges presented by our calendars prevented my esteemed colleagues and I from meeting to discuss this important issue. But had we met, here is what we would have decided..." The Ropeless Jump Rope offers the same economy: "The challenge of rope jumping has proven greater than my reserves of vigor. But if I had jumped rope, here's how much rope I would have jumped..." Isn't there a story about a woodchuck that sounds kind of familiar?
Consider the lowly staple. I cannot think of anything so important to modern life that is, at the same time, so humble in monetary worth. It takes over thirty basic 1/4" staples to equal the worth of a penny. But I have reams of important documents that would dissemble into clutter without them. So let's give the straight-laced little wires some respect. Easily done with the Morgan Stapler, this year's winner of the You're Worth It Beaver. Let's say you're trailer trash but have just won the lottery. How do you plan to arrive to collect your winnings? Chauffeur driven limousine, baby! For a mere $68, you can do likewise and deliver every staple in style. The smooth full-grain leather will remind you with each document assembly to respect the lowly staple like it made the scene in a Lexus.
Here's my personal favorite, this year's winner of the It's About Time Beaver, the Runaway alarm clock that sells for $59.95 (for the special edition silver). This is so amazing! Before the Runaway you had to choose between two compromises. Put it on the night-stand, and you can enjoy the convenience of setting your alarm clock from your bed. But in the morning, that location might prove to be dangerous. It makes it easy and convenient to silence the alarm and miss an appointment. So, let's say you choose to defy that downside by relocating the alarm clock to a more distant location. Better for your morning, not so nice at night. Now you have to live with the inconvenience of setting the alarm BEFORE you get in bed. Why, oh why, can't we set our alarms on our nightstands and wake up to find them inconveniently elsewhere. The Runaway has solved this age long conundrum! Here's some advertising hype that explains how: Runaway literally jumps off your nightstand and sprints away - forcing you to get out of bed to silence the alarm. All-terrain wheels let Runaway roam throughout your bedroom on carpet or hardwood - actually changes course if it runs into an obstacle! Lets you choose your snooze time from 0-9 minutes, giving you one last chance to snooze before it makes its move! It's about time someone solved this dilemma.
So, which of our four winners deserves the Grand Beaver? You decide!
At Light-work lodge we pride ourselves on extolling the virtues of sensible solutions pursued with diligence. No wonder Mr. Beaver is our esteemed mascot. So it seems fitting (indeed, sensible) that we would enjoy a brief beaverian respite from chewing on the weightier issues that constitute our normal fare here at L-W. Let's recognize the all-around good sense of some consumer products by conferring on them a "Beaver."
The fact that we are in the middle of the feeding frenzy we call the holiday shopping season certainly makes our work timely. For example, some find this sentiment perfectly reasonable: "For my birthday, I
want everyone to celebrate by gaining weight, going in debt, and
acquiring lots of stuff." For them, the Beaver's winners circle will serve as a fine place to locate exceptional stuff worthy of such a celebration. (By the way, if you think there is something flawed in the sentiment above, perhaps you are a good candidate to explore this post.)
I won't reveal the winners just yet. First, I want to help you
appreciate the rigor with which our judging staff has approached the
challenge of identifying products of surpassing value. Let me tell you about a product that didn't make it. The fact that this is an offering of such high and obvious merit ought to illustrate the standards beyond which one must excel to win a coveted Beaver.
The Fish Agility Training Set immediately caught the eye of our ever-vigilant product scouts. What better way to spend your days than in assisting "Goldie" to get more nimble! We found the text that accompanied the ad especially moving:
This complete set of underwater activities allows you to train your pet fish to perform a series of agility maneuvers, including swimming through hoops, pushing a soccer ball, navigating a slalom course, and more. ...With the included soccer goal, basketball hoop, and football goalpost, you can train your pet to practice scoring goals, slam dunks, or field goals.
Naturally, we were skeptical about whether a fish has the "RIGHT STUFF" for slam dunks - but we sought to keep an open mind. We also questioned the amount of time required to achieve this level of agility. I'm not trying to belabor the obvious, but isn't the use of fins a detriment to dunking the ball? If not, why haven't we seen more extensive use of fins in the NBA? Is fin assisted dunking possibly "the next big thing" to shake up the game?
I contacted customer service of the vendor with my inquiries about "how much time will it take before Goldie can slam dunk?" The customer service rep was not able to answer my questions so she conferred with the technical services department. I guess "how long does it take" is more of a technical question. They were unable to locate any answers in their product manuals and guides. I asked if anyone had actually trained a fish using the kit - they answered that this was a product that had been demonstrated, but not actually tested. My bright hopes for Goldie's future as the next Michael Jordan were dimmed.
After watching this clip of "Comet," a dean's list graduate of Fish Agility University, my aspirations for Goldie briefly flickered to life. Alas, Comet was unavailable for comment to the question, "How long did it take you to learn this?" Hence an unassailable cloud of uncertainty hangs over the Fish Agility Training set. If you are going to waste time training a fish in the execution of maneuvers of dubious value, you have a right to know whether hours, days, or months will be the measure of that waste. Who could dwell in joy in the looming shadow of such unmeasured pointlessness? Comet is impressive (especially with the extremely cool music) but his gym is not ready for a Beaver.
Lean times are in the wind. But the trees that surround Light-Work HQ have a plan. They have weighed the cost of maintaining their myriad photosynthesis units and it is time to close their factories. Liquidation is in full swing as they prepare to conserve their energies for winter. Smart move! Sometimes the best way to beat the hard times is to hunker down for a season and make a fresh start when things brighten up.
Alas, the tree's scheme has created some fallout for others, in this case, me! Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for the big show they host while going into maintenance mode, and the colors really are quite stunning. But when it's all over, I am staring at a bazillion leaves too many. Sure, I leave most of them where the trees and wind have put them. I'm sure they will do some future good there. But lawns (if you can call mine that), patios, and driveways are not the best place to inventory these discards.
What's a guy to do? In the past, I would get very well-acquainted with a leaf blower and lawn rake. Spare time in the Fall was spent with them. Despite all that time spent together, ours was not a happy relationship. Blisters, a twisted back, sore muscles, and the sense of time lost were my most vivid memories of days with Mr. Lawn Rake.
A couple of years ago, I doled out the cash for a Cyclone Rake - my weapon of choice for fall yard cleanup. It's like a vacuum cleaner that you attach to your riding lawn mower. Combined with the cutting deck, this baby sucks up leaves like a baleen whale in a school of krill. When it's full, it tips up like a dump-truck to dispatch its cache.
Some of the product testimonials gush overmuch. I wouldn't call this rite of Fall "fun" - but it is very satisfying. I can now accomplish in a few hours what previously took days. So now, when the trees are closing up shop for the year, I can enjoy the color, do my bit without fanfare, and move on to others things. Just like the trees.
What's Light-work?
If you want to talk about how life and biblical truth intersect, light-work is your place. Weekday posts get the conversation started. Then it's your turn to weigh in. Would you like to have fresh posts delivered to your email inbox? On the right hand side, scroll down to the box where you can enter your email address and click the button that says [get email updates]. Join the light-work brigade!
Recent Comments